Recently I’ve been experiencing a flurry of mixed emotions when it comes to thinking about the World Race. There are moments of extreme excitement followed by moments of ……. Most of this has to do with what I realize I’ll be leaving behind this next year. It’s as if I’m already going through a mourning season about everything that I’m not going to be here for and the truth is that this has been really difficult. See, it kind of seems like my life was at a completely different stage when I first signed up for the race in August than it is now.
I’ve had an incredibly supportive group of friends around me and for the past several years they had been pouring into my life. However they are all young married couples in varying stages of beginning families, very different from myself, so I knew leaving them for a year would be a bit difficult, but something I could handle. Well God decided that immediately after I committed myself to going on the World Race was the perfect time to flood my life with relationships. These past few months since I’ve agreed to go on the world race have been really really GOOD. The growth, the love and the acceptance I’ve found from those around me has been pretty amazing. The closer and closer I get to July the more and more I realize just how sad I am going to be saying goodbye to my parents and this new “family” for a year and to be honest all this makes facing the idea of leaving incredibly difficult.
In January I found myself pretty upset with God, I just kept asking Him why. Why now? Why would you give all this GOOD and then ask me to walk away from it all? Why would you purposely break my heart like this? I mean I know that as Christians we’re promised hardship, but I didn’t realize it could come in this form. It wasn’t until about a month later that I started to understand what it was that God was trying to teach me –To trust that the plans He has for my Life are for my GOOD!
While on my way to meet some of my squadmates ( who are AWESOME btw) I was listening to a Chip Ingram sermon about God’s Goodness and it was as if I received a spiritual slap upside the head. He was talking about how God wants GOOD for our lives. That if we think that by following God’s plans we’ll be missing out on something good then we are believing a complete and total lie!
“He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” - Romans 8:32
It hit me, that the root of all my anger with God was because I did not TRUST that His plans are for GOOD in my life. I needed to see that what He has given me and what he has already done in my life is AMAZING, but He has even BETTER in store…. THAT’S INCREDIBLE! (Yea… this has really been blowing my mind… )
So these past few months have really been about me just learning to soak in God’s Goodness and to trust in the plans that he has for my life, it may not be easy but I TRUST in the path He has for me. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss my family and friends like crazy, I’m sure there will be many tears shed and moments of extreme homesickness but I know and trust that this is all for my Good.
“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” – C.S. Lewis
-Jess
p.s. My awesome roommate introduced me to this song tonight and it really spoke to me and seemed perfect to share :) Enjoy!
One of my squadmates challenged us to each come up with 100 random facts about oursleves.... so here you go
I’m not sure I can come up with 100 things…
I frequently miss my mouth when I take a drink… I’m considering investing in sippy cups, or maybe just straws
I say Dude a lot, way more often than someone my age should…
If I call you Dude it just means that I’m comfortable with you.
I love swimming and water… pool, lake, ocean, pond, kiddie pool, bathtub, etc.
I failed my drivers road test the first time
I dislike tomatoes but I love spaghetti sauce
I claim to hate public speaking
I don’t actually mind public speaking, I just psych myself out
I know I’m definitely going to regret the above statement
My left eye closes more than my right eye when I smile, there are pictures where it looks like I’m winking
I fidget… A LOT
When I walk my right foot turns in a little, I have issues walking in a straight line
When I’m really tired I will talk and apparently even laugh in my sleep
I can sleep through just about anything (i.e. a concert or a fire alarm, yea I’ve done both)
I move a lot in my sleep meaning that if I share a bed the other person may experience a kick, slap or punch at some time during the night… :/
I really want a tattoo
I was born in Chicago
I still live in Chicago
I can't whistle
I’ve been told that I’m outgoing, I still trying to accept that, I always thought I was shy
I love the Chicago Bears
I root for both the Cubs and White Sox
As a Chicago sports fan I’ve learned the following phrase and I’ve used it often: “There’s always next year”
I’ve never had much athletic ability
It probably had something to do with my complete lack of coordination
My grandparents taught me at a very early age how to play blackjack
I Love Calvin & Hobbes
I’ve seen every episode of How I Met Your Mother, multiple times, I may be slightly addicted to the show…
I sing in the shower
I sing alone in my car, loudly
I love old movies – Some Like it Hot is one of my favorites
I talk to myself… out loud… often
When I was 9 I fell off my bike and chipped my two front teeth
I’m afraid of heights, no joke, I don’t even like step stools
I’m determined to go bungee jumping if I get the chance while on the world race (shhh… don’t tell my mom)
I’m tired of missing out on life because of fear
I like kayaking
I love snorkeling
I grew up spending my summers on boats, or rather hanging out in the Chicago harbors
Did I mention I love water? I’m usually the first to jump in
I love reading and one of my favorite authors is Isabel Allende
My goal is to read one of her books in Spanish while on the race
I got my nose pierced a few months ago
My parents were not happy, my Dad just calls it a booger
I’ve had my ears pierced since I was a newborn
I have a love/ hate relationship with Spanish
I have great parents and I’m incredibly close to both of them
I also take after both of them
It has taken me way too long to think of 50 things…. I can’t believe I’m only halfway…
I’m an only child
If I could be a foster parent I would be
I have an Aunt who is only 10 ½ months older than me
She’s the closest thing I ever had to a sister growing up
I never thought I had a lot of friends or made friends easily
God has shown me recently what a complete lie that is…. I am unbelievably blessed.
Mitch Hedberg and Brian Regan can make any bad day better (Don’t know who they are? Look em’ up!)
Barnes & Noble is one of my favorite stores
I used to call it Berenstain Opal…. It made sense at the time since that was were I got all my Berenstain Bears books from and I was also about 7 years old
I’m half adopted (I’m pretty sure that’s not the technical term, but its what I like to call it, confused? Ask me and I'll explain ;-) )
I like watching Deadliest Catch with my Dad
I graduate from school in a little more than 2 months!
When I was younger I wanted to be either a lawyer or the President
I think I watched too much Law & Order and The West Wing as a kid
I’ve finally settled on being a social worker
I’m leaning towards counseling
I can’t play an instrument
I tried the flute but I gave up when I had problems figuring out how to blow into it
I am well versed in sarcasm
I’ve always wanted to be able to raise just one eyebrow…. I can’t. I’ve tried. Often. It makes me sad that I can’t
I cry a lot, more often than I’d like to or than I’ll even admit to
I kick butt at Taboo, you definitely want me on your team ;)
I’ve been to Australia, Ecuador, Nicaragua, Peru, Mexico and the Caribbean
I have a tendency to laugh at inappropriate times
My favorite food is my grandma’s cooking, it amazing – homemade Mexican food (yes, be jealous)
I have an issue with textures in my food, too many different textures in one bite freaks me out (I’m definitely going to have to get over this while on the race)
I love fresh strawberries but I cannot drink a strawberry shake – I can’t handle the seeds…
I was bullied in 5th grade because I was Hispanic
I graduated high school a semester early
I am school social work intern at the same high school several of my aunts and uncles attended
This internship has really stretched and challenged me, its been like being introduced to an entirely new world
I’ve learned a lot about teen parenting and gangs in the past few months
I can’t draw, stick figures are as complex as my drawings get
My walk with God is very much that of the prodigal son
I like British comedies especially The IT Crowd
I know how to knit, I’ve made a lot of scarves… too many scarves
The most complicated thing I’ve knit is a baby blanket
I go to an amazing church, New Life Portage Park, and I have an amazingly supportive Church family
The small group I started attending 3 years ago changed my life and has led to some incredible friendships
If I could live in my converse I would, I even wear them to work when I know my main boss won’t be in
I have some pretty sweet hair when I wake up, think bird’s nest
I love Chicago… it’s pretty amazing
I’m a sinner
Jesus died for me
That still blows my mind when I think about it
I once rode my bike into a lake
I now rarely ride a bike
I’m working on John 13:35
I love Romans 8:31-39
I’m both anticipating and dreading July (too many mixed emotions)
Here's the second part of my story, obviously not the end but how I got to where I am now...
I was about 21 years old when I started attending New Life Jeff Park and at that point I was just so broken, heartbroken and bruised. I had a long time ago given up on the idea that God would ever use me, the idea almost seemed absurd to me, considering where I was and where I had been. I was just broken and directionless in life and all I knew was that I NEEDED to run back to God and into his arms. During this time God used so many amazing people to minister to me to pour into me and He started to restore me.
When things were starting to come back together and I had found some direction I still didn’t see or think that God was going to use me. I briefly entertained the idea of possibly studying missions, but I quickly gave up on it… It was as if I had lost my chance, my shot. It wasn’t that I thought my chance at being a missionary necessarily but rather I thought I had lost the chance to be used by God in ministry, to use my life to serve him. It was if I had just messed up too much, gone way off course and my new path was leading somewhere else.
I was pretty happy with this new course, I chose to study social work, for me it was like missions but here at home, and was set to graduate this May and go off to Grad school, start this new career. God however had other plans and this new path lead me to the World Race, I had heard about the world race about 2 years ago and it just seemed impossible, like something I never could or would do. But God placed it on my heart in July and I just knew this was the next step. It was as if he was telling me that of course he was going to use me for his service. He had a plan all along and the mistakes I made along the way weren’t going to deter this plan, and I was crazy for thinking that it ever would.
I’ve recently found myself wondering what my life would’ve been like had I gone route that I thought I was supposed to? If I hadn’t wandered off for those years and I realize that it doesn’t really matter, because I KNOW that where I am, getting ready to go on this journey, is EXACTLY where I AM SUPPOSED to be. In the end it doesn’t really matter how exactly I got here, what matters is that I am here, feeling God tugging on my heart, telling me that He wants me to go serve, minister and further His kingdom around the world. And this time I’m making sure that I follow where He leads.
I just want to share a bit about why I feel that this is where the Lord is calling me, why missions and why now, why the World Race? So here is a bit of my story….
Ironically I accepted Christ while on a mission trip when I was 13. I know, I know…. I was in training camp ready to share the gospel with others and I hadn’t even accepted Christ myself! However God definitely grabbed a hold of my heart one night in training camp. In all honesty the reason I went on that trip was because I wanted to go to Australia, but God definitely knew what he was doing and had other plans for me. I was just on fire for God and during that following month he really used me.
During that time on the trip and even immediately after I felt that God had given me this plan for my future, to serve him to be used by him in ministry. Most people don’t know this, but the plan I felt that he had given me was first go to high school (I was after all only 13) but after that I wanted to go to Moody Bible Institute. I wanted to go to Moody, study missions and then go live in a hut somewhere in Africa serving as a missionary.
I had this vision that God was going to use me, was going to use my entire life to serve him, and this was all spurned on by this fire that was burning in me, this spiritual high that I was on. However that spiritual high, like most, didn’t last. I mean I did look for a youth group somewhere to get plugged in and grow, but after a while it just became something secondary in my life, I started to care less and less about growing and continuing to walk with God.
I became so drawn into the world, into being accepted at school, my relationship God was just pushed lower and lower on my list of priorities, I just really stopped caring. During my teens I really started to become apathetic about my relationship with God, I would say that I was a Christian, but I didn’t live like one. However it wasn’t until after high school that I really began to walk, well… more like sprint, away from God. I just began to desperately search for fulfillment in the world in what was around me and of course I didn’t find it. I’ll spare you all a very long story and just say that in those couple years I made a lot of bad decisions and as I like to explain it went off the rails….
There is definitely more to this story, you’re just going to have to check back for the rest
Pack my life into a Backpack and live out of it for 11 months
Say goodbye to my friends and family and not see them for 11 months
Leave my life and community in the states for 11 months
Live in constant community with several people for 11 months
Live in 11 different countries for 11 months
And Why? You may ask am I doing all this? Well it’s simple…. Because God told me to!
Ok so yea that may sound a bit odd to some of you, but simply put that’s exactly why I am going on the World Race, because it’s what God has called me to! And I could not be more excited! I’ve had a heart for missions for a long time, however I never once thought that I would be doing something like this for a year! So what exactly is the World Race? It’s a missions trip, for 21-35 year olds, that travels to 11 countries in 11 months. My route will take me to Romania, Bulgaria, Rwanda, Uganda, Kenya, Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Honduras and Guatemala. On the World Race my team and I will serve with local churches and ministries to do everything from preach the Gospel, plant churches, work in orphanages and hospitals, minister to women and children who are trapped in prostitution as a result of human trafficking, teach English, lead crusades and so much more!
I am so grateful for this opportunity that God has given me, and have every confidence that He will provide for my needs! My prayer is that He will do that through you! That’s where YOU come in! I’m asking if you would consider partnering prayerfully and financially with me in my ministry. I must raise $15,500 in financial support. Financial support can be given as a one time gift or in monthly gifts. For example if 100 people give $15 a month for 10 months, I will have nearly all my funds raised! So how can you give? There are two different ways:
Option #1: Click the "Support Me! " link at the top left of this page under my photo.
Option #2: You can send a check made payable to "Adventures In Missions" to Adventures In Missions, PO Box 534470, Atlanta, GA 30353-4470. Please put "Appeal ID: MARTENSENJESSICA" on the memo line.
Thank you all in advance for your support, prayer and encouragement! Please contact me with any questions you may have or if you would like to learn more about what God has put on my heart!
In August of 2011 I applied to go on the World Race, to go on an 11 month 11 country mission trip leaving July 2012. When I first applied and found out I was accepted I was ECSTATIC! I couldn’t wait for July 2012 to arrive. It was all I could think or talk about. I probably read through hundreds of blogs, trying to process through what would be my life next year. And then that excitement was replaced by fear, worry and the worst… doubt. It wasn’t that I was afraid of going on this trip or doubted that this was what God was calling me to, but rather I doubted that I could actually DO this.
Last fall I entered into a season of SELF DOUBT. I knew that God was calling me to step out and into roles that I didn’t think I could ever possibly fulfill. As a social work major I began my internship as a High School social worker and what you would call an inner city school. I felt completely unprepared and unable to handle what was being asked of me. I’m not going to lie, September and October were AWFUL, I never felt like I was doing a thing right and couldn’t see how I could make any kind of impact on my students. I just never felt like I could connect with my students. The same was true for me at my church. I recently became a youth group leader and really struggled with connecting with my girls. I just felt like I was being asked to do so much last fall that I was completely unprepared and incapable of doing. The last thing that I wanted to think about was The World Race, something that I began feeling more and more unready for.
This season of doubt was especially hard for me as social work major because a lot of what I’ve learned is based on self-empowerment, on the ability of self. I mean after all of my sociology and social work classes I’ll be leaving my school being told that as a Latina Female I can do ANYTHING! I have the ability to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING (and do it better than that much-maligned white male J) and I can do it all on my OWN. But the truth? The reality? I couldn’t and I was starting to learn that.
What I was failing to see through all this was what God was trying show me, to tell me… I CAN’T do it all on my OWN, however I CAN do it with HIM. I needed to stop trying to depend on my own abilities and realize that the only way I could do any of this is reliance on HIM, not myself.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9
At the beginning of this new year one of my awesome squad mates challenged us to chose our one word for the year. One word that God can use in our lives for the year, something that we keep coming back to. So here’s my word – Surrender. I am surrendering to do what it is that HE is calling me to, no matter how inadequate I may feel to do it. I’ve been told over and over that God doesn’t call the equipped, rather he equips those he calls, and I’m starting to really believe it.
I’ve recently found myself wondering what my life would’ve been like had I gone route that I thought I was supposed to? If I hadn’t wandered off for those years and I realize that it doesn’t really matter, because I KNOW that where I am, getting ready to go on this journey, is EXACTLY where I AM SUPPOSED to be. In the end it doesn’t really matter how exactly I got here, what matters is that I am here, feeling God tugging on my heart, telling me that He wants me to go serve, minister and further His kingdom around the world. And this time I’m making sure that I follow where He leads.
